“So, why are you still doing this?”

Our improv coach Christian asked us that at the beginning of a rehearsal. My improv team had been together for three years and I had been on it for one. It hit me especially hard because I had been doing improv for about a decade and had been on three other teams.

It was a valid question, one for which I didn’t have an answer. Why am I doing improv? I really don’t know. I suppose it’s because I like making things up on the spot to make an audience laugh. It’s better than stand-up in that I don’t have to make commentary on commercials all the time for comedy (which is what I was doing towards the end of my stand-up tenure – I cringe at the material that I put out).

Why are you doing this? It’s both an obvious and scary question for an artist. Artists move forward. They push boundaries. They’re always looking for inspiration. Musicians, painters, writers, poets, dancers. They look for inspiration from their lives, from their peers, from anything, anything to move their art forward.

Sometimes I think that I’m not an artist.

I think that I’m satisfied too easily. I think that I can just punch in and punch out. I’m not obsessed by the questions of artistic integrity. I can just do my job. I can write my two hundred and fifty words. I can show up for my improv show. If I do that, then I’ve done enough. But when I’m confronted with, “why do you do this?” regardless of the context, it gives me pause. Maybe I’m just going through that motions. Maybe I’m getting complacent.

When Christian asked us that, I didn’t just think of improv, I thought of everything. My choice of home, friends, romantic partner, job, anything! That’s just how I am. A seed of an idea will find fertile soil in my mind. Luckily for me, many of those questions are answered pretty easily, except this blog.

What am I doing this for? My girlfriend asked me that recently. “Why every day?”

I, uh, I don’t know. It seemed like an interesting experiment at the time. The short answer is that I didn’t write for half of 2017 and I wanted to change that. I also think that setting a goal like “write every day” is a good motivating tool.

But, ultimately, what am I doing? Am I trying to find my voice? Is this just a creative exercise? Am I trying to gather material for a book?

I don’t know.

I think that there’s value in being creative for creativity’s sake. I also think that there’s value in sharing whatever it is that you’ve created with others.

Honestly, I’m just checking in with myself about this blog. If you’ve read this far, thank you.