I have to confess that when I hear people talk about how awful white men are, I resent it a little bit. I mean, I’m a white guy and I think I’m a decent person. But mostly it just strikes me as kind of a knee jerk thing to say when confronted with the bad behavior of a subset of a group of people.

Then I go online and see some white guy say something like, “To be fair there have been many false accusations of sexual assault…”

And then I remember, oh yeah, fuck white guys.

Not all white guys do that but only white guys do that. And if I’m being honest with myself, I’m capable of that kind of smug, unearned superiority where I come in and believe that I’m making the reasonable case that settles an argument. And if anyone doesn’t like my reasoned opinion, it’s because they either don’t understand it or they are not capable of sober reasoning the way I am.

Basically, what I’m saying is, I can mansplain.

I do my best not to and hopefully I’m succeeding but I don’t know. I don’t know where it comes from. I doubt it’s any consolation but we mansplain to each other all time. When white guys talk or argue, it’s constant jockeying for status, just trying to win. It’s exhausting.

I’ve been thinking about all of this white guy stuff today for a couple of reasons.

But first, a quick sidebar. It’s odd when you know that you’re living in memorable history. I remember the first time I ever felt that. It was in 1988 during the vice presidential debate between Lloyd Bentsen and Dan Quayle when Bentsend dropped, “Senator, I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.” I was only 11 but I knew that that was a mic drop that would not soon be forgotten. Brett Kavanaugh melting down the way that he did yesterday will be remembered for a long time. If he isn’t confirmed, perhaps it will be one of the most high profile examples of someone answering for their sexist behavior. If he is confirmed, we can look back and realize the he portended all the awful decisions that he ended up making.

Like I was saying, I was thinking of this white guy stuff today for two reasons. The first is all of the white guy bullshit I’m seeing online from friends of friends like my above example of cries of false accusations or people saying, “Shame on the Democrats for this tactic,” or the deceptively mundane, “Both sides do this, the whole system is broken,” which is a cop out that ignores the entire significance of these proceedings and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony in particular.

The other reason is that I’ve been at a loss for words about this whole situation. So many women have felt triggered by this hearing for so many different reasons. I feel the need to show solidarity but don’t really know how. When white men get vocal, they can veer towards being too performative. Remember what I said above about jockeying for status? I’ve noticed a lot of white men who consider themselves woke to take a little too much delight in lecturing other white men. I don’t know, maybe I’m projecting. But even now, me saying, “Ugh, I can’t stand white guy behavior” may very well be true but the act of me saying it carries a subtext of, “I’m condemning it so I’m not guilty of it, I’m one of the good ones!” I’m not. None of us are.

I said it’s odd to know that you’re watching memorable history. It’s also painful to watch it unfold and know that you’re virtually powerless to stop the outcome.

So, to all the people speaking out because they feel powerless, I’m sorry I haven’t said anything to show support. But I’ve been listening and, to be fair, it never killed a white guy to keep his mouth shut and listen once in awhile.