1. My commute’s over as soon as soon as I walk into my living room!
2. Sweatpants at work? My boss doesn’t seem to mind!
3. Have I had a conversation with another human being today? Yesterday? Christ, I can’t remember.
4. The Monday Morning Meeting got a lot more comfortable!
5. Pret a Manger, eat your heart out! I save so much on lunches!
6. Wasn’t it supposed to be better than this? I sit in a room and stare at a screen? I’m just so tired.
7. Did I turn on the TV? Was it on before? If it wasn’t me then who was it? Show yourself!
8. The barista always gets my name right!
9. It’s all just ones and zeroes sent out into the void. We’re just shuffling around the data, letting the powers that be blackmail us. When we’re all gone and the next plague wipes us out will there be any evidence that we were here at all?
10. I can masturbate whenever I feel like it.